The Ashes in my stomach,
Ghosts of a fire that once consumed my heart in the heat of passion, choke me.
Equilibrium off balance, all that was is no more, and all that I never knew is all too familiar.
My memories leave me breathless, as if I am drowning in a cold sea of regret.
Tossing and turning in agony, living a nightmare from which I just cannot awaken.

Who knew that fire would leave me cold,
That breathing would suffocate me,
That what I saw was blinding me,
That life was killing me,
And that something would give me nothing.

What makes me “alive”? Is it the fact that my heart pumps the blood through my veins? Why does that matter when I have not a reason to live, for it is love that defined me.

White turns to black and night fades to day,
Left turns to the right and downward leads up.
Welcome to my life, where pain becomes numbness and happiness feels like an unfamiliar high.
Where I face my fears every morning I wake up, and I battle my demons every time I see a mirror.
My own reflection is a stranger, the soul that once dwelled within me now lives only in my written word.  

My condolences to all who have lost themselves, for I have felt your pain, rest in peace.